Special Thanksssssssss

Special Thank You to Catherine for helping me every step of the way to ensure a smooth transition. Also to Teresa for staying with us and offering her most talented gift in handling dogs.  To my lovely wife Karen for supporting me all the way. Last but not least, to all of our loyal customers for continuing to believe in Paws to Play. I know Catherine had set a very high standard, but I will do the best that I can to exceed your high expectation.

As an owner of a dog with some fear issues, I’ve become much more aware of how people approach dogs incorrectly.  All to often they walk up to Sadie Mae and thrust their hand over her head in an innocent attempt to touch the cute looking Doberman with floppy ears.  She repels from them and I cringe at the awkwardness of the situation but stop short of educating people on why she is backing away from them.   Its just not possible with each encounter and quite frankly, most people don’t want or expect a lecture when all they want to do is touch the dog.

So I’d like to take a moment in this blog to explain what a a good approach looks like but first, lets clear up some basic misconceptions.  And that would be that all dogs:

1. Are people friendly and dying to meet you.

2. Enjoy being petted (touched) by strangers

3. Know and care that you are ‘good with dogs’.

An incorrect approach can instill fear and suspicion in a dog and the result can be a bite to the human and emotional pain for the dog.

These are some common techniques and subsequent mistakes, people make:

1. The basic ‘stick out your hand to smell’ technique or a similar jester with a slight variation when the first approach fails, a ‘stick out your hand to smell WITH a squat’.

2. The ‘reach hand over the head ‘ petting with or without a threatening bend over the top.

3. The ‘squat and rub vigorously both sides of the neck’ is another style.

4. And probably the worst and most dangerous, the ‘face to face’ “your so cute” method .

It might surprise you how many dogs are not comfortable with strangers or just aloof to strangers.  Were you a shy kid who got uncomfortable in the presence  of adults? How did it feel when your parents talked about you with another adult, in your presence. Remember how embarrassing that was?  The pressure it put on you to do something but you didn’t know what? The awkwardness you felt being the centre of attention?

This is the pressure that my dog and thousands of dogs have a hard time dealing with. If you recognize yourself in any of these greeting scenarios I’ve suggested then I ask you to considering changing your behavior because when it comes down to it, its not about you, its about the dog.

The appropriate way to introduce yourself to a dog is to find out first if you can meet the dog. Ask the owner and respect their answer if its a NO.  If, however, you’ve been given the ok to an introduction turn your body slightly or completely sideways so that you are not facing the dog straight on and avoid direct eye contact.  Facing a dog directly can be perceived as threatening or confrontational and direct eye contact can be mistaken for a challenge.  Next, stand still, relax and let the dog COME TO YOU!   And ‘come to you’ doesn’t mean stick your hand out if he walks past or just looks at you and doesn’t come forward.  It means, stand still and if he wants to say hello, he will.  This is where dogs and the human ego get into conflict.  The dog should be in control of the meeting NOT the human.

If the dog comes forward, continue to stand still and let him smell you.  You can talk to him but keep it calm and easy.  If he wants you to go further he’ll tell you with his body language (tail wag, hand (which is by your side) lick etc.) and only then should you touch the dog. Maybe a butt scratch or a chest rub while you are standing sideways to the dog or other NON threatening spots but still try to avoid the ‘over the head’ contact and bending over him.  The greeting is going well, you don’t want to blow it by asking more of the dog. Be mindful of the energy or ‘vibe’ your getting and continue appropriately.   If the dog is on his back at your feet, its probably safe to squat and rub his belly.

A respectful introduction goes along way with dogs and keeps humans safe.  For Sadie Mae,  I’ll continue to politely ask potential greeters to just leave her be.  Now, if they would only listen to me when I say it!

I’ve been through 3 canine losses myself and I am empathetic to the pain it causes owners and the change in routines they experience when their dog is no longer in the house.

Grieving for our pets is very personal. Having to deal with our grief around others can be uncomfortable and isolating particularly when we have family or friends that don’t understand what we are going through and the depth of our grief.  Or maybe they think that our emotions should be relative to the loss and grief is not warranted for our pets as it is for a human life. Either in the depth or length of time we grieve.

At this point in my life I’ve only experience 1 very personal and close human loss and that was my father in 2009. However, I’ve lost 3 dogs since I was a child with 2 in my adult years. Both human and animal losses were difficult for me but the grief I felt for my father was different from the grief I felt for my pets.  Different. No comparison. No judgment. Just different.

The emotions that follow after the loss of a pet shouldn’t be compared to that of a human. Both are difficult but it’s the emotions they evoke in us that makes the losses different. Emotions that should be respected even if others cannot understand them. The relationship we forge with our pets is on a completely different level than one we have with our family or good friends. Again, the key word is ‘different’.

When you are going through a loss of your pet you should give yourself permission to grieve and seek out others that will understand your emotions and empathize with you. Sharing your memories, stories and your feelings with others help you through your loss and the waves of sadness that comes with it. It can help us on our toughest days. When I’ve lost a dog or I’m upset with my dog’s health I  seek out  my ‘dog’ friends some of which  happen to be my closest friends. They listen without judgment and offer great emotional support.

As it is sometimes with the human loss we experience, when we lose a pet we have a big change in our routine. Especially when we go from 1 to none. We find ourselves having to break habits we’ve had for years, if we’re lucky and then…nothing. Silence in the house and no reason to walk. Food bowls, toys and leashes unused and maybe put out of site because it’s too painful to look at them.

It’s a very personal relationship I have with my dogs and I can’t  describe in this small forum how I feel about them other than to say that they bring me JOY. When they die not only do they leave a physical void but something emotionally leaves me which I can’t put into words but to say it’s a really big personal loss.

However, time can heal ones pain. Time passes and as it does you can feel the grief ebbing and eventually instead of tears when you remember your dog it’s a smile or laughter that comes to you. Of course you still weep a little when you speak of them and sometimes, I still do even though several years have passed. Each pet marks a period of time in our lives, a chapter or several chapters and when we think of them we remember where we were living, the age of the kids, holidays we took and maybe they evoke memories of where we were emotionally.   I’ve had many tell me how their dog went through marriages, divorces, illnesses etc. It’s like they take a big chunk of your life with them when they die. Maybe, for some owners, it’s an official ending and time to let go, to move on.

I think I’ll always have dogs in my life. The joy they give me is deeper than the grief that overwhelms me when they are gone. The memories and life lessons they teach me last much longer than the pain and sadness the finality of death brings me. In time I smile and laugh more when I think of them and I just couldn’t deprive myself of all that a dog gives me. There is that saying ’only two guarantees in life…death and taxes’. I’d like to add that when we get that dog, we know we’ll have heart break sometime in the years to come.

So here’s to our life teachers with four paws. May they live long healthy lives and let us smile when they move on in their journey.

So  I  live in Cloverdale and own 2 Dobermans.  They bring me Joy with a capital J!  So does my husband but lets face it, nothing like coming home to two dogs that smile and bark and jump around and want to carry your stuff upstairs for you.  Scott would say the same…I’m sure.   He doesn’t greet me like that cause he’s usually upstairs cooking supper and never wants to carry my stuff  anyhow.

I’ll write about dog stuff and even some day care stories leaving names out of course unless I have the owners permission to use it. Dogs are my expertise but if you’ve been a client long enough you know I can…ah…have an opinion or many of them and not just on dogs.  And boy can I talk! But I think its informative.  Ha!  You’ll be the judge of that I guess.  Til the next blog, Thanks for checking me out and enjoy your summer.